from my keyboard.

date rape

2010-07-31T02:04:00.000+08:00

...or you could say something

or leave.

you are making me awkward i think.

all i want to do is eat and talk through

good memories. but i’m sitting here watching your lips.

darling please can we talk about something?

we have so much funnier things to discuss

i can’t sit here, us staring at us. i can’t. i can’t. cunt.

all i really want to do is eat and talk through good memories

please...or you could say something

or leave.

the South Bank Freak Show

2009-11-04T20:55:00.001+08:00

welcome gentlemen and gentle ladies

welcome to the South Bank Freak Show

im glad to see you part with your pennies

for an hour with me

this show, i assure you, is world famous

we’ve been on the telly and on the press

we’re famous because of our success

we’re famous because you lot cannot entertain

the thought of us living amongst you lot

i see tired faces in the crowd

don’t let your pennies go to waste gentlemen and gentle ladies

you lot, hardly Plath’s peanut crunching crowd

but you lot will have to do tonight

please people please take delight in our plight

i promise this show is done in good taste

we have the three eyed man, the lady with no ears

and the baby that aged a hundred years

enjoy the show gentlemen and gentle ladies

feel no shame for we take pride in our differences

we care nothing for your ways and your mores

its our pride that feeds our pockets (as we empty yours).

2009-04-25T12:00:00.000+08:00

FML.

testimonial

2009-04-21T23:41:00.004+08:00

"you're such a pest
a buggy, annoying, smelly pest
and you better shape up
i'm warning you
you better find yourself a job in this relationship
and stop putting it all on me"

i mean nothing;

2008-11-09T23:42:00.003+08:00

i am stale like the air tonight.

midnight.

2008-09-13T01:42:00.000+08:00

Lights

Lights in my eye.

I am the light sleeper.

I sleep slight. These lights

fight for space in my eye.

I would die for

some sleep for some sleep

would keep me alive.

like geese in flight.

2008-06-03T01:54:00.003+08:00

why do you intend to cuff me?
i am human like any one of you.
do you not see my skin?do you not see?
i am free to frown if it pleases me to.

my liberty is mine and mine alone.
i dare you to make it yours.

soaf

2008-05-03T00:51:00.002+08:00

"my body is a witch; i am burning it"

- The Sounds of Animals Fighting, "The Heretic"

bare.

2008-03-20T22:32:00.002+08:00

its unfortunate, your luck.
i sympathize entirely.
you know i entirely do.
its just your luck that life's fucked.

its not too fortunate,
the way that you
never smile for fun.
and its too too bad
that i dare to care.

the ball is round.

2008-02-28T11:07:00.000+08:00

"most men want to score with women;
real men rather score against men."

"this is our new place."

2008-02-02T02:35:00.000+08:00

can you deal with my socks?
i like to leave them around.
i've got tons of them.
i've got buttons on them.
can you deal with the Arctic Monkeys?
i've got their records everywhere
can you navigate around them?
well, you can learn then.
can you deal with my cigarettes?
they're not everywhere
but i have them everytime
i hope you dont mind.
can you deal with indifference?
i'm hardly indifferent
but then again, i'm hardly anything;
i've just got no time to think.
but i think you can.

foundation

2008-01-09T00:13:00.000+08:00

the cracks
foretell a story.
a sorry story of...
fuck i dont care.
the cracks, those stinking
cracks, they are fucken
everywhere.

sigh.

2008-01-05T01:00:00.000+08:00

a love of equal parts.
a love i cannot part.
parting is not an option
she says.
she says there is no option
to part.
part of me fears/
part of me loves.
i love and
so i fear to part.

home.

2007-12-25T10:52:00.000+08:00

my stomach as stuffed
as i am full.
sitting happy
in this couch, i rule.

i have love,
i have a wife.
i have a cat and
2 kids in my life

i've worked for this
this is it.
it is smiling
on this couch i sit.

less point

2007-11-29T00:38:00.000+08:00

im still yet to drive. oh well, may my brother's wages rise disproportionately.

invaluable.

2007-11-25T23:44:00.000+08:00

the white elephant,
magnificent and sacred.
yet its worth,
worthless.
the cost...oh the cost.
the cost of nothing.
nothing that costs as much
but nothing that's worth less
to touch.
i am an elephant
and i am white.
hear me trumpet
with all my might.

Lust/Caution

2007-11-16T01:23:00.000+08:00

this is an act.
elaborately painful.
an act of loyalty
for sovereignty,
for freedom.
each thrust
seemingly the last...
but never.
his arms arrogantly powerful;
his legs vine-like,
gripping at my innocence.
my innocence extinguished
like his cigarettes.
this is an act
gone too far.this act,
now a distinction without a difference.
i caution...lust not
lest you love.

leave before the lights come on

2007-11-12T22:26:00.000+08:00

" and how can you wake up,
with someone you don't love?
and not feel slightly fazed by it,

and they woke up together not quite realising how,
awkwardly stretching and yawning,
it's always hard in the morning,

and I suppose that's the price you pay,
well oh it isn't what it was,
she's thinking he looks different today,
and now there's nothing left to guess now,

quick, let's leave, before the lights come on,
'cos then you don't have to see,
'cos then you don't have to see,
what you've done... " - The Arctic Monkeys.

talk tact.

2007-10-24T22:41:00.000+08:00

these words are about as tactful
as a scratch to the face
and my face dulls itself
to these words.these words are
easier to speak than
to swallow.i follow these words
from your mouth to my face
and then swallow them
with a dull thud.i now have dull
words at the bottom of my dull
stomach.

getting there.

2007-10-22T23:35:00.000+08:00

who is she

that i love?

i know i love who she is

yet i know she was who

i could never love.

please do not (re)present the past

but instead gift me the present.

2 Tehs and a Pack of Next.

2007-10-16T00:48:00.000+08:00

This pain is

“like when your lungs choke”,

Chris said before he died,

biting on a cigarette.

he was right and i agreed then

as i agree now.

“and nothing un-does the choke but

this cigarette”. yet

he choked.

common law

2007-10-15T01:12:00.000+08:00

his knife is shiny
but this dark room
reflects none.
the streetlights, as distant
as his eyes;
his eyes eyeing an infidel
that lost his faith.
his fingers make haste,
they waste no time
cutting her waist.
this redress is nice;
its justice at a slice.
a fair exchange indeed,
an equitable exchange of parts.
it’s one bleeding carcass for one bleeding heart.

a tired mind for the night.

2007-10-13T01:24:00.000+08:00

marble green pupils,

jealous as hell.

(hell is fear

just as fear is hell.)

her skin is shiny and

her skin is mine

but my ego is tiny and

i worry my mind.

if she but breathe

Another’s breath,

i might die.

i might die

if she but

breathe me a lie.

qweRty.

2007-09-24T01:38:00.000+08:00

letters like squares,
letters that dare.
from my keyboard,
my finger stumps
work.
letters of worth,
they do give birth
to some art that
might mend or
hurt.

scorn.

2007-09-16T21:58:00.000+08:00

the harpy flies
the harpy flies;
her breasts heaving,
her heart scorned.
your feet, no match for her wings
your skin, no match for her claws.
hold on to your guts boy,
for your liver will serve as her lunch.

eek.

2007-08-11T01:04:00.000+08:00

ok school's starting.pls dear lord, assist me.

mr. antolini

2007-06-30T00:44:00.000+08:00

" the mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one " - Wilhelm Steckel, "The Catcher in the Rye".

flooded stars,

2007-06-17T01:08:00.000+08:00

a boat of corrugated board
contemplating escape.escape, elusive.
channels congested, flooded and flawed;
and our protagonist left motionless,
lest it should find some courage to labour on.
the gods show no favour, the skies still dark;
this sinking boat of board, hardly Noah's Ark.

the hour is midnight.

2007-06-12T02:56:00.000+08:00

the moon,
unhappy at her inconsistency,
shines dull for lovers tonight.
why, if the sun can burn,mighty and full,
every day, cant she stay round like
her mother's hips, night after night after night?
why must she be banished
to the dark depths of Night?where she shines
only for foolish lovers,
who find it obligatory to write sweet silly lines
about her.if only they knew, how little
she cared and how little they meant.
the moon,
idle and indifferent, insensitve and insipid,
shines none for lovers tonight.

turning 50.

2007-05-31T23:44:00.000+08:00

the nights have turned stale.
we're old like dogs,
getting sentimental and tired.
listening to more alternative than rock
and drinking more tea than whiskey.
all we've got is this television and some
cookies,
i swear the nights have turned stale.

rock.

2007-05-30T01:41:00.000+08:00

im a rockstar!
i've got smashing guitars
and i smash guitars for fun.
i am special and im the only one
with skinny pants and wild hair.
im on posters, im on postcards,
im bloody everywhere.
its a dog's life,
the drugs, the vodka.
i am my own fucker.
my stage on fire and my eyes white,
i spit angst at you.
im a rockstar,
im consumed by my own lyrics and
im singing to death

wood.

2007-05-25T00:23:00.000+08:00

a matchstick
burnt. a setting lit
on fire. sunkissed skies
with tangerine edges..
as day sets. the crack and fizzle
last no longer than a vowel pronounced,
but the skies grin Orange for
almost ever,
so never never forget this match.

yawn.

2007-05-20T02:16:00.000+08:00

sleep calls like an echo.
resoundingly distant. if i may
collapse
to ease my muscles
then the goodnight is but formality.

the selfish alphabet.

2007-05-14T02:23:00.000+08:00

a dark room
without dark intentions.
it is the lazy mind that dwells
inside these dark walls;
a lazy mind, uncommitted
but not unkind.
lazily i smoke,
uncaring.
the walls do not breathe,
the walls Do Not breathe!
and i may be the only living thing.
empty walls that do not breathe,
breed only empty souls
and empty souls feed alone.
lazy clouds
c l i m b b b . . .
to a ceiling that reflects only
I.
and I is the only letter that matters.

seinfeld

2007-05-01T22:00:00.000+08:00

"She thinks I'm a nice guy. Women always think I'm nice. But women don't want nice. Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?" - George Costanza, "Seinfeld"

the maid in the lime colored panties.

2007-04-26T18:34:00.000+08:00

" she laid for everybody, regardless of race, creed, color or place of national origin, donating herself sociably as an act of hospitality... her allure stemmed from her accessibility; like Mt. Everest, she was there, and the men climbed on top of her each time they felt the urge."

catch 22

2007-04-20T12:23:00.000+08:00

" 'Sure, that's what I mean,' Doc Daneeka said.'A little grease is what makes this world go round.One hand washes the other.Know what I mean?You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.'
Yossarian knew what he meant.
'That's not what I meant,' Doc Daneeka said, as Yossarian began scratching his back.'I'm talking about co-operation.Favours.You do a favour for me, I'll do one for you.Get it?'
'Do one for me,' Yossarian requested.
'Not a chance,' Doc Daneeka answered. " - Catch 22

pooh bear

2007-04-19T00:50:00.000+08:00

“ "Well," said Pooh, "what I like best -- " and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called ” - Winnie the Pooh.

crossroad.

2007-04-18T00:19:00.000+08:00

it is a cross,
with
f. o. u. r.
obvious points.
and it is a fear that numbs the legs;
that hesitates.
how does one decide when
each road has a nail,
there to puncture your palms?
how does one decide which road
to take?

the shower of pure.

2007-04-16T01:38:00.000+08:00

s is for stale.
these pale lips
are swollen with shame and
the animal game has tattooed your name.
vultures vultures that circle and prey,
pick, peel at your limbs; praying for some flesh.
like flies they swarm.crawling around your wounds,
covering them to only suck at you for
pleasure.pressure pressure that you will not remember
and pressure pressure you remember to ignore.
but the phoenix that you are, beneath your
exhuasted body,
labours to take flight and fight
at the demons that caress.confess to the sins
of your weakness and shine above your ashes,
for you are truly as beautiful as the sun.

blower's daughter.

2007-04-15T00:33:00.000+08:00

damien rice played on my ipod on the way back and it reminded me of chris.i remembered sitting with him at ang mo kio, a week before he killed himself, when he told me that damien rice was amazing.
i remember
his blonde streaks.
his temper.
his next menthols.
his dad's old mercedes.
his glass of teh.(which i paid for.)
his bald head.
his sorrow.
his laughter.
his missed call.

i remember you chris.

mono rail.

2007-04-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

can you sit by the tracks?
the gates are closed;
the station's empty at most.
how long can you sit by the tracks?

do you have a ticket?
was it expensive?
did it cost a week's wages?
or did you get it as a gift?

am i really your train?
have you checked the ticket?
what if i never stop?
will you be able to take it?

i see the station ahead.
and i see the master's flag.
im undecided im undecided.
im undecided to turn back.

what if you hate the seats?
what if the journey's rough?
what if the destination's wrong?
what if the ride just isnt enough?

will you sit by the tracks?
in your backless crimson dress;
and your hair and heart in a mess,
how long will you sit by the tracks?

belle.

2007-04-08T18:48:00.000+08:00

bells
ring.
i have my eyes on your bareless
back.your
hair everywhere.your hair, like cold
colourless curls, vine-d around your neck.
and you can neither hide, nor run.
i have my eyes on your ankles.
you are the everything, you are my sun.
my heart, crimson as your dress and crimson as your lips
as i suck on you.

i am not a bad person.

2007-04-05T01:30:00.000+08:00

the baby is
fresh.pink and pure.
there are no ropes around his
elbows; none around his knees.
uncommitted
and unsure his baby feet float.
his innocence is mine
as he stumbles into a life that grips
like vice.
sympathize sympathize.

tequila sunrise

2007-04-01T16:06:00.000+08:00

"you got that? Getting your cup, I took a swig
the bitter taste of the 'mezcal', free worm shit
droppin' a lesson, he slapped my face, he said listen
pay attention brotha, you're my ace, but don't ever question
just do what I say, and you'll be rich
And keep this in your mind: rats lay in a ditch with no spine
don't ever forget that golden rule in the game
cheers, they all know your name, it's like fame
why, women and money don't mix, like drinking an' driving
watch those conniving women and keep your eye out
always be aware of what's around you
they wanna down you, and fuckin clown you
keep your shit in order the money won't stop
pretty soon you'll be on top" - Cypress Hill, "Tequila Sunrise"

the midwife is dead.

2007-03-30T02:49:00.000+08:00

my mind pregnant
with Berlin, with Normandy, with
decades from decades ago.
if i could push.
if i could heave and scream
and push these stale stale stale
milestones out.
my rebirth; raw and bloody.
my life cord torn, independent of the past;
in-dependent of the stale stale stale
nutrients of yesterday.

vitamins.

2007-03-27T22:19:00.000+08:00

it stings it stings, like ice if ice could burn.
the blood flood leaves the body weak.
if this was a finger pricked or a toe cut, i might stand.
but i crumple.its a vein!its an artery!cut like an apple;
bright red and fresh.

the body lies sleepless and stale.

medicate medicate.

2007-03-26T12:40:00.000+08:00

this is a fever.
sweat like tiny ants
crawl down the spine.time chokes.
this is no fever in passing.or is it?
oh from fever to haemorrhage it passes.
i am unsure.
blood blood everywhere.
blood in my hair, blood in the air.
i am unsure but not unaware.
"Coward coward, you must move forward!"
but do i care?
i could sleep here, hiding beneath my thick
blanket of words.these words,
the womb to my feeble foetus.
i will spend a lifetime here,
i will be my own doctor.

ssshrrryrrh.

2007-03-23T14:47:00.000+08:00

girl,
your eyes dilated, drowning in sea after sea without shore.
each breath, rough as sand,
slip through your nostrils but end at the noose you have
drawn around your fat neck.and this is your exit?
poetically sweet.a grand event.
but you are no more special,
no more mad than the baby who slept
next to you.you are who you want to be.
you are.you are.you are.

hugs all around.

2007-03-19T19:59:00.000+08:00

chairs and chairs of people
its a round table of knights
shiny shiny
masks that hide the inside
pass the gossip
pass the gossip!
we're all friends darling,
this knife will only scratch your back.
oh the food's done, its time for drinks.
pass the plastic cups please plastic people.
poison?no no!definitely not!we dont poison.
we're friends,we're kind;
we only stab from behind.

. . .

2007-03-08T22:59:00.000+08:00

this keyboard is hardly inspirational.
my monitor staring blank.
my maroon walls mildly melodramatic,
calling out for genius;calling for drama
from my finger tips.
if i could sleep,i would.but these
bloody walls are expecting...forcing some,
some stanza.forcing words to fit
some pentemeter;some prose or poetry;
anything but Blank.
but i am . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . .
. . . .
. .
Blank.

nonething.

2007-03-04T00:20:00.000+08:00

nothing comes from nothing.not inspiration, not genius, not anything.when a plant's sap is drained, it will remain dead and then wither.there will be no rebirth.there is no elixir for nothing, for void, for vacuum, for nullity, for dead plants.how sad then, that from nothing we want something.some luck, some fortune, some chance.how selfish it is to want that luck to arrive with no action at our end.inaction bears non activity and non activity bears nothing and nothing bears
nothing.
dead plants do not bear fruit.

roulette dares.

2007-02-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

if fate is a dice and life a gamble, where are the odds?isnt it slightly unfair to have to gamble without knowing your odds?dosent that make the dice a ball?because with a ball, your odds are hardly 1/6.infact, with a ball, your odds are...hahah.and yet we must play this roulette.and it spins spins spins; through pinnacles,bottoms,love,hate,joy,tragedy.definitely,sooner or later, you're going to want out.when you are so broke and so broken,you are going to want to leave.and that, we call Sin.so we play.and we will die rolling the dice.

to dialogue alone.

2007-02-21T22:43:00.000+08:00

this is a carefully crafted monologue
part tragedy
part despair
the speech is heavy
like this costume i wear
i have no pentameter
i am hardly Shakespeare,
i am more absurd;more Pinter
and i end like i never started.
if there was an audience,
they would clap.
if there was an audience,
i'd ask for help.

Cirque.

2007-02-15T23:39:00.000+08:00

12 hundred roses
to make a wreath.
pleasant smelling, this death is.
no mourning, no eulogies, no black, no veils.
lets toast like the corpse
is newborn.skin, from skin to bones to earth.
the fresh smell of stench,
reminiscent of fruit.fruit;
once seeds,then to plant,
then fruit,then...seeds.
from soil to soil,
like a ferris.this circus is not for crying.

home party.

2007-02-09T11:23:00.000+08:00

those are lightbulbs
strewn across the ceiling like litter
this is cosy
definitely
strangers like nameless legs and necks
that bump and get in the way.
those are ashtrays next to
the bottles.and those are marlboro butts next to
the ashtrays.
a home away from home,this is cosy
definitely.

in memory of Christopher; 1986-2007.

2007-01-27T09:10:00.000+08:00

you stupid stupid stupid boy.
you never knew how much your skin was worth.
how beautiful was Her skin?
honestly, how special was She?
special enough to die.
remember the fights?
remember the soccer?
remember the Next menthols?
remember you telling me your misery?
remember me telling you my misery?
remember you saying you're past trying to kill yourself?
but i applaud you.
to write a script about gassing yourself
in your fucken '71 mercedes e-class,
and then doing it;you fucken bastard.
oh She will die when She hears.
you will be loved Chris.believe me.

hahah.

2007-01-24T22:16:00.000+08:00

cupid cupid
do you feel stupid,
for your arrows have gone astray.
lovers abound
but none truly count
Valentine has nothing to say.
i rhyme a rhyme
but with no one in mind
celibacy has come to stay.

a ffair lady.

2007-01-08T21:59:00.000+08:00

cue piano.
a melody of tears.

and she can cry until her eyes shut;
until she drowns in bed, mangled in her sheets.

cue violin.
he squeaks.a whimper from the man he once was.
and he wants to cry until his eyes shut.

one cheating heart but 2 broken ones.

dank.

2007-01-05T22:27:00.000+08:00

sails of faith,tattering at the centre.a shipwreck hides more hope than my insides.inside i am bile and blood.vile and odour-ful.a dispirited body worse than a spirit disembodied.i could claw at the future to only break nails and weep at the inevitable that i think is evitable.if ever i am able to step forward,that step is but the prelude to the collapse.perhaps this helps,perhaps perhaps it does.and perhaps we all will to die tomorow,either in an oven or in our sleep.and perhaps we will.

green i.

2007-01-04T22:11:00.000+08:00

choir boys
and piano players
with oh so tidy hair
and pink trimmed suits
slick slick voices
and smooth moves
to tingle girlies.
im jealous of the attention
like a mother of her daughter in law.
if i could i would saw saw saw
their heads off
and watch them roll the way
their tongues do when they kiss
all the girls that i eye.
sigh.

resolutions!

2006-12-31T22:42:00.000+08:00

1.eat more fruits
2.run more
3.read more
4.get my license
5.take a holiday
6.discover a new band
7.watch more movies
8.smoke less
9.play more soccer
10.drink enough
11.save money
12.eat more good food
13.fall in love
14.spend more time at home
15.watch more tv
16.start school properly
17.end the year properly

boxing

2006-12-27T22:10:00.000+08:00

confessions,
late nights,
guilty words spoken like
the priest bothered.
an empty church
to hear your
whinings.and i can hear your tears
from outside.snow snow snow
dosent fall on christmas day.
and neither will you.
if you would wipe your face dry
though you die to cry,
i might just hold your hand love.

rainn.

2006-12-20T22:25:00.000+08:00

a wish for every drop please
atleast one for every two?
look look
the water is abundant
and yet none to drink
if i had a wish for every drop
i would be selfish
and then slightly benevolent
maybe prosperity to the poor
and equality to the unequal
but ofcourse a crown for me.

lightsticks.

2006-12-17T22:39:00.000+08:00

warmth,
like candle wax,
stings as it kisses.
and light,bold and bright,
flickers like hope.no matter how dark
the night,it can get darker
for not all tunnels end in light;
some end dead.
and some end like a candle extinguished,
a wisp of smoke as memory to
a vision that left;a wisp of smoke
that lazily licks the tunnel walls.

the surveyor.

2006-12-13T21:59:00.000+08:00

im no good.am i?are you any good?uhuh.i suppose thats difficult.you cant rate yourself can you?would it be partial?a little probably.alot probably not.how do you be good?is there a manual?a user guide of sorts.you probably have to give to charity.and spend time with family.study.work.stay faithful.and celibate.be kind.or gentle.probably both?remain humble but not at the expense of pride.eat in moderation.not steal.or cheat.not lie unless it helped someone other than yourself.or unless that someone was someone who was not nice.save money.pat animals.visit your grandparents.reflect.or repent.probably both.ok tell me...are you any good?

hornby.

2006-12-06T23:48:00.000+08:00

" i could feel the weight of everything then - the weight of loneliness, of everything that had gone wrong. i felt heroic, going up those last few flight of steps, dragging that weight along with me. jumping felt like the only way to get rid of it, the only way to make it work for me instead of against me "

- Jess, "A Long Way Down".

work.

2006-12-04T22:34:00.000+08:00

terribly preoccupied with work at the moment.picking up call after call after call.and then hearing voices;coarse,sweet,loud,soft,high,low.hmm i think i definitely should have taken a holiday instead of starting work so soon.but money...money is of great significance to me and has a bearing on those around me.if only everything was free and the mechanics of everyday life was based on goodwill and not currency.

like a bullet of thought you thought you caught.

2006-11-29T23:24:00.000+08:00

can you catch
inspiration?

is it like an arrow?elusively swift.
or

a balloon.floating conspicuously
among other conspicuous things.

does it appear upon thought?
or non-thought?

they say it expires,
like milk.
or matures,
like wine.

do you know?would you tell
if you did?
is it selfish?

i've lost it im sure.
i've heard you can't move forward
without it.
is that true?

can you catch
inspiration?

is it like an arrow?

kiss and tell.

2006-11-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

weep weep weep.
baby, this is no rape.
entirely consensual,
i can snip
that dress in two.
you might moan
or sigh,whatever you fancy.
hands hands,
that grip
like vice,
hands that feel
like ice.
will you resist?
or grin like
the devil that you are beneath
the purple/pink shades that is makeup
and the clothes that keep you un-naked.
oh my.
sinner sinner you are
no beginner...
obviously.

rhythm

2006-11-17T23:54:00.000+08:00

an epic of almost epic proportions.
a portion of history riddled with
distortions.questions left
unanswered and forgotten.
i thought you forgot not and
i was then wrong.an intermmitent
sad song to punctuate my life.two
three four and then maybe five
years of tears recorded in an archive.
knives,knives that take lives...
take mine.either blind my mind
or slice me nice.anything to find
a piece of peace between these blinds
that are cunningly effective at keeping
out the sun.

the neighbourhood wars.

2006-11-12T22:37:00.000+08:00

friends and fiends!
hold hands and then pay your salutations.
how long can you fight?how many of your children
and nephews do you want to see die?
respect your bloody neighbour.
how sweet does blood smell on
your hands?
remember the americans?
remember the spanish?
the isralies?the iraqis?
pakistan?
if you condemn genocide,
then what is civil strife?
hide your shameful weapons
and wash those hands.

mr.vertical.

2006-11-12T21:11:00.000+08:00

oh i am short!

every lover has his time.

2006-11-11T01:15:00.000+08:00

an unfamiliar tingle,
like chimes in the morning
that disturb your sleep
only to open your eyes to the
joy that is sunshine.
an uneasy churning,
like when you've had one, two, three
many drinks
and too little to eat.
an awkward gait,
like you're suddenly conscious
about something that
never really mattered one bit for years.
an un-embarrassed smile,
like you were going mad,
enjoying every fucken minute of it,
and unashamed of it.
oh.well.beyond the sighs(and moans) and sweet nothings,
i hope you find something.

no cigar

2006-11-05T22:55:00.000+08:00

good evening.listenin to Millencolin now.last day of army tomorow...and it dosent feel like anything.i miss alot of people.i wonder if im happy?i think i am.im pretty alrite...im doing pretty well for myself.yea.im definitely happy.because im not sad and so i must be happy,right?right.hmm who wants to hold my happy hand?

prom night

2006-10-30T21:19:00.000+08:00

he's at the party.
tuxedos and ties everywhere.
pretty hair and pretty shoes.
sluts in diamonds,
arm-locked with their knights.
such intimacy!

and he's alone.
green-eyed, with a green tie,
walking the floor like
an actor.
props!lights!oh the audience!
"fuckin' idiots", he whispers,
slipping pass the crass mass
that's doing the salsa.

the night is young and
almost virginal
and if you strained your eyes
you could see the
glazed eyes of our dear
blonde brilliant beauties.
probably the bourbon.

there she is!
stunning in her blood red dress,
doing her dance of lust.
you can call it art,
maybe even a talent.
and he's seen her.

his eyes become a
shade of her dress.
oh look there's a tear
coming down his unshaven cheeks.
and no one will see him when
he cuts into her with that knife
he has.perfect perfect.
a picture perfect pool of poetic blood.
and her gasp escapes almost silent
next to the trumpets
that will play
all through the night.

who's afraid of virginia woolf?

2006-10-17T08:49:00.000+08:00

a reservoir of clear tears.
its clear to the bottom
like crystal,
reflecting black memories
from black times
that tug at black hearts.
it's so pretty, the way down,
to the bottom. an envelope
of cold. atleast it embraces.
but i will not walk down that path.
im no woolf.

october two thousand six.

2006-10-09T19:00:00.000+08:00

its october.
not in-between like june
or a beginning like january.
its cloudy
and the skies are grey with smoke.
we feel older
without the wrinkles.
and we're smoking for fun;acting out our
empty soliloquys.
i'm empty without your hands on me.
are you now as lonely as i've been?
i've been i've been...worse off.
this is nearing the end,
closer to a beginning.or not.
this is october.

miss.in(g)fidelity.

2006-10-09T00:38:00.000+08:00

she's radiant in the sun.
like butterflies.
sweet in that sundress.
a dress of lies. like tattoos of sin
printed across her breasts.
across her thighs.
you love her like pink floyd.
you love her pretty bangs.
but your pretty whore's
spreading her pink lips, banging
someone else's hips tonight.

expression.

2006-09-30T12:12:00.000+08:00

is it suicide to give up?is it shameful?or illegal?or is it a conspicuous show of choice?choosing to give up.does it take courage to choose?regardless of whether you chose to jump off your building or to stop running and start walking.were you, at that point, a positive example of individualistic opinion?

eulogy draft 1.

2006-09-22T12:58:00.000+08:00

attention!please.
yes yes attention please.
this is a boy speaking.
volumes and volumes of wisdom
he spits.its like rain.over and over
through sunshine and starlight.
if only people listened.
he is not stupid.
hardly delusional.
lend a ear!lend a ear you ignorant bastards!
dont write him off like you wrote off the vietnamese.
he's part guerilla too.he can fight!he could kill...
i swear.

fate.

2006-09-18T10:59:00.000+08:00

its so gloomy in my room.dark clouds outside that just wont pour.dark clouds outside that wont move on either.life is funny like that.a finger stuck between jam and peanut butter.and it takes an eternity for a simple mind to decide.sometimes, a simple mind doesent have the option of choice either.then they call it fate.or something.some blasted thing that just happens,that drops you in the fucked situation.(like falling into no man's land in a sino-soviet border dispute.without UN forces to drag you out.) and believers will blame god.and atheists will blame themselves.

rain rain go away.

2006-09-15T21:41:00.000+08:00

rain,
with its interminable shelling.
(feels like bombs,bullets,bricks)
ouch ouch.
its like when we were kids,
frolicking like fish
in the wet weather,
drenched;drunk on drops.
radiantly depressing is rain.

relative importance.

2006-09-10T17:02:00.000+08:00

i just shaved.seemingly insignificant i know.but its what i did.and that matters because actions make men.so listen when i say i just shaved.because, since i've shaved, the counter lady at 7/11 is going to ask for my ID when i buy myself a pack of cigarettes later.and since i've shaved, my face is gonna feel slightly cleaner when i go out for training this week.and since i've shaved im not going to get into trouble in camp.and since i've shaved my mom is slightly more convinced that i Am her son.see...seemingly insignificant?hardly.

yezs.

2006-09-09T03:29:00.000+08:00

oh boy.fucken drunk.sigh.
i lost a 10 dollar note.hmpf.
ladeedadee.
i miss you.

mr.brightside.

2006-09-08T19:57:00.000+08:00

Coming out of my cage 
And I've been doing just fine 
Gotta gotta be down 
Because I want it all 
It started out with a kiss 
How did it end up like this? 
It was only a kiss 
It was only a kiss

Now I'm falling asleep 
And she's calling a cab 
While he's having a smoke 
And she's taking the drag

Now they're going to bed 
And my stomach is sick 
And it's all in my head 
But she's touching his chest now

He takes off her dress now 
Let me go 
And I just can't look 
It's killing me 
And taking control

Jealousy 
Turning saints into the sea 
Turning through sick lullaby 
Joking on your alibi 
But it's just the price I pay 
Destiny is calling me 
Open up my eager eyes 
I'm Mr. Brightside  - "Mr Brightside", The Killers

wuss.

2006-09-07T23:02:00.000+08:00

so tired.so tired.so tired.this sounds so much like a whine.so tired.so tired.my eyes are tired.so tired.so tired.ok im embarrassing myself.

showcase.

2006-09-03T21:09:00.000+08:00

come come!
come hither folks!
see the broken man!
oh see his snipped wings!
see his frown!
gawk.gawk.gawk gentleman and ladies!
see how he bleeds!
it looks like Art yes?no?yes?
that's his fate on his dirty palms!
yes yes he's got fractured arms!
come come!come gentleman and ladies
come watch how he weeps!

zen.

2006-09-03T11:53:00.000+08:00

its sunday.didnt do much last night.i cant remember when was the last time i "did something last night".grin.

loneliness.

2006-09-01T22:55:00.000+08:00

i went to watch 'Tony Takitani' today. i read reviews about it and it seemed like something i might like.the japanese have an amazing ability to portray tranquility on screen and the movie, with its theme on loneliness, was so beautifully directed that i thoroughly enjoyed it.

" finally Tony Takitani was now really alone..." - from the movie.

angeleyes.

2006-08-27T13:59:00.000+08:00

a lack of heart.
birthday cards he forgot.
unintentionally seemingly intentional.
he is compassionate only on sundays.
you see him cry at church.
he dosent hurt like you hurt.
does he does he?
still he would die for you and you would leave
him to...
your heart fluttering
in the dizzy heights of your new true love.
and you leave him only your halo.

holiday.

2006-08-26T15:10:00.000+08:00

is it just me.or are my weekends really becoming terrible?i hardly do anything anymore.which is rather relaxing in a sense but also a rather huge waste of minutes.i find it increasingly bothersome to go out with people who do not matter so i end up doing pretty much nothing.thats not stupid is it?...or is it?(thats how the bright young things in Waugh's Vile Bodies speak. "darling,how very divine of you to help out.oh dear, its not too much trouble do you think...or do you?". nobody does satire like Waugh.) well im convinced i'll be home today till i have to get back to camp.i declare today Sombre Solitude Day.

playlist.

2006-08-20T00:47:00.000+08:00

listening to Arctic Monkeys tonight.not out tonight because im hardly in the mood.tonight feels more like a 'nice music and nice book' night.im sure everyone feels such a way once every fortnightly or something.now im listening to Hard-Fi.the book thats waiting for me on my bed is by Nietzsche.the fear now is that i might fall asleep before i turn a page.now im listening to The Bravery.i could do with a cigarette now.i had a very much appreciated conversation with jasmine li last night had rachel's place while we were smoking.i agree that the being in limbo bit is the worse.and that some people really need to start all over.now its Arctic Monkeys on again.

ever for.

2006-08-19T00:48:00.000+08:00

a table of friends.
not playwrights, writers, poets,
neither artists nor artistes.
spill the whiskey
and spill your heart out.honesty
is essential.(like gunpowder to guns.)
just shoot...we are blood.
beyond veins or arteries or
tissue
or
skin.we are hardly poetic,hardly
velvet!
caustic conversations
carry (forward) carelessly.
but still we last.through this night.through the seasons of
treason.through years and years of forever.

smoke rings

2006-08-16T23:05:00.000+08:00

" tell me where do they go
these smoke rings I blow each night.
what do they do, these circles of blue and white.
why do they seem to picture a dream of love?
why do they fade my phantom parade of love? "
  
  - The Mills Brothers, " Smoke Rings".

there is an end.

2006-08-13T01:24:00.000+08:00

im a terrible lover
a bad romantic
im hopeless at love makin
horrible at chivalry
im a terrible optimist
( the anti-optimist even.)
useless at making someone mine
and even worse at keeping someone mine.
im giving up.

" spring brings the rain.with winter comes pain.
every season has an end." - the Greenhornes.

shiny night.

2006-08-11T23:11:00.000+08:00

its terrible.
a void filled to the brim with emptiness.
its ironic, like shiny bronze.
days that end with nights.
and nights that end with days.
its the week of the weak widower.
i am cold.
and i could do with sunshine.
the kind that thaws ice cold insides.
inside i am ice cold.
my heart at auction.sold!sold!
dear sunshine...leave your bloody clouds
and shine.
shine.
shine!you damned bitch.

broken flowers.

2006-08-11T13:50:00.000+08:00

" the past is already gone, and i know that.the future's not here yet,whatever it may be.so all we have is this.now. " - Bill Murray in 'Broken Flowers'.

bedtime.

2006-08-06T03:22:00.000+08:00

i deleted everything i wrote here.oops.

evidence.

2006-07-31T21:29:00.000+08:00

meet Exibit B(oyfading). Exhibit B fell in love with Exhibit A(ngel). Exhibit B then realized it wasnt love because Exhibit B fell out of it. Exhibit B then fell in love, fast and hard, with Exhibit G(ermany). Exhibit G however slept with Exibit F(uckin' arsehole). Exhibit B left Exhibit G but fell even deeper in love because love is a funny thing you cannot deduce, like logarithms. Exhibit G then flew away. Exhibit B tried to move on and showed amazing progress except maybe on drunken nights, which is pardonable. Exhibit B now is as close as glue to Exhibit A but knows that is beyond anything. bygones remain bygones. Exhibit B however might feel a flutter, like a butterfly flight, when Exhibit H(elicopter) comes into this storyline. But that too is beyond anything. Exibit B is OK nontheless. meet Exibit B.